I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
