A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
