is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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