So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
