yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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