she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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