Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
