the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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