Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
