but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
