i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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