walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
