you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
