And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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