you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
