oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
