i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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