Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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