i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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