quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
