If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
