boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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