All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
