my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sext me about skeletons
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
