the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I understand Curling. That high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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