Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
