What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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