I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
