Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
