i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
