i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
