I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
