She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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