I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
