i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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