dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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