i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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