i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
