elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
