As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
