in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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