# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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