She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
