I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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