We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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