You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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