i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
