So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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