Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
