it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
false alarm, still single
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