Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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