i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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